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RED PINK PURPLE BLUE

If you could see love one end would be red and the other would be blue.

People usually say red is passion and who am I to disagree. It’s tough and mean. Red loves you enough to hurt you. Red can’t let go. Red left before you could.

Pink would be a crush. It can’t hurt you but it wants to. Pink wants you to make a mistake. Pink thinks you’re perfect. Pink drew your name in an arrow heart.

Purple is a funny color. It’s soft to the touch, not because it cares more but because it’s afraid that you might leave if it’s too much. Purple is too much. Purple cried one time you took too long to text back and then told you about it in passing a few weeks later.

Blue will never tell you how it feels. Blue loves you always. Blue jut wants to be near you. Blue hurts itself and makes you feel guilty. Blue will do whatever you want.

I have a problem with loving in pink. I do it way too much. For example: Freshman year I fell in deep pink with a boy I didn’t know. He was everywhere I was for two years and I only had interactions of the most awkward kind with him. He played the guitar and seemed nice enough. I used to imagine that if there was ever a time when future versions of everyone came back to the past to make sure we fell in love with the right people, future me would arrive in a beautiful outfit with him on her arm and they’d make sure we fell in love. In reality I only ever asked him once if he wanted to study and he said “sure” but didn’t mean it so I turned a little purple and stopped talking to him.

After getting rid of this terrible pink love I started to look for something a little more red. At a New Years Eve party I went to with my friends, of which one was looking for some red and the other was in a committed purple, I was feeling very bored and very drunk. My purple friend was being hit on and my other friend found someone to make out with so I did the same. I never got his name. I had my first kiss and gave my first blow job in the same night. I didn’t feel I had experienced any color really.

After that a boy approached me in the street promising me red. I usually turn those boys down but I felt I was the only person in the whole world who had not been red. After the first date I kissed him pink quite publicly and quite thoroughly on a train platform. I went home and the realization that we were not really compatible in the long term sent me quickly into purple but I wanted to stick it out. I fucked him purple and we stopped texting after that.

Then I started to think of how I could find something serious. One of my friends seemed like he wouldn’t be a one hundred percent match but I could see myself caring about him and I had never cared about anyone (not in that way at least). I fell in pink with him. I told him I was interested in him and then one week later I asked how that made him feel during a one on one session of truth or dare. He told me he thought it was a bad idea. I didn’t really care about good or bad ideas I wanted red. I realized later he said no partly because he was in blue with one of my other friends.

Throughout my interactions with love I do feel like I can understand it. Not enough to control it but enough to no longer stand in awe. A friend of mine recently went from red to purple to nothing at all and wanted me to tell her why. I told her what I’ve told you. Basically love uses the colors like a magnifying glass. Through each color you have a chance to learn more about each other in a way that pushes you together or pulls you apart. And I, ruthless with my paintbrush, will color people whatever I like till I find someone who makes me into the sparkle on an ornate picture frame, the glitter on a valentine, the sequins on a dress, the rhinestones on a handmade trinket box. And, for your own sake, I hope you do the same.

XOXO

by Elizabeth Jingwi

 

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